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Strange Article - GOLDSTEIN'S FETUS #1 by Fellow Felon
For remembrance for the SoldierX.com webmaster who recently died in a car accident,
I decided to put this "classic" article in our zine, for it's kind of open source.
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///// GOLDSTEIN'S FETUS #1 \\\\\
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::: by ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
xx§-=-][- Fellow Felon -][-=-§xx
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::: of ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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\\\ and Legion of The Damned ///
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ May, 2000 ///////////////
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The one question that seems to unleash the most dangerous answer is: "Who rules you?"
Most people, when asked this question, although they may not admit it, realize their submission.
Most people don't base their actions on what pleases them, but what pleases society's eye.
When is the last time you saw somebody that was rich buy some clothes from GoodWill because they were more comfy?
Chances are, you've never seen it.
Fashion is largely responsible for conforming millions of people into doing something they really don't want to do.
I mean, who really likes Tommy enough to pay $50 for a wifebeater or some socks and not really feel like an asshole.
A truly smart person would steal the clothes. This doesn't happen because of one thing.
Tommy and other bullshit is bought not for it's appearance, but for what it stands for.
That, simply put, is the money it takes to purchase it.
People spend all their money just to prove that they have money! The same goes for cars, houses, jewelry, etc.
Who actually loves to hear the crushing and booming noise of bass coming from someone's system?
So, you must ask yourself this one question: Who rules you? Make your decisions for you and no one else.
The Limited starring Ted and Ed
Ed: Hello Ted.
Ted: Bonjour, Ed.
Ed: I love my house and bed.
Ted: Well, I love astronomy. My favorite planet is Mercury, third from our beloved sun.
Ed: Yes, the sun provides light so others can view my wristwatch. Mercury is not third though, it is second.
Ted: Second? My friend, you are definitely full of the most rancid kind of shit!
Ed: You say that about myself? I was just watching a special of the planets on television.
Ted: Your program was obviously full of falsehoods. Everyone knows that Mercury is third from the sun.
Ed: Fuck off with your thirdness. If Mercury was the third planet from the sun, we would make use of it's resources.
It is second, 2, the same number of sexually explicit videos your mother has made with the neighbors collection
of caged beings.
Ted: If you disrespect my mother again, you are going to catch multiple dirty stringes forcefully entering you colon.
Shut the fuck up!
Ed: It is ironic that your ignorance of our solar system is the cause of your tantrum.
Ted: It is third, not second!
Ed: It is second and you are a fucking moron. This reminds me of the time you shit yourself in third grade
because you drank too much apple juice. How could someone who can't control their own output know anything
about the universe?
Ted: Oh, you want to dig into a motherfucker's past?!? What about that time you showed that police officer your
erection? He would have had you dropping the soap in no time if it wasn't for you grandma!
Ed: You are dead. I am going to kill you!
(at the sounds of "kill" and "you", Ted pulls out a gun and busts three bullets into Ed's skull) Thump!
Ted: Motherfucker. Third it is! I am bigger than Gawd! What the fuck do you have to say about that?
Fuck Candace Jordan, and fuck far right board members! I'm on a verbal assault. Mercury is third from the sun.
(Ted urinates on Ed's dead body)
Who Controls Your Dreams? (Flight of a Slave)
Fuck this. I'm going off. I have this job, you know. It is my occupation. I fucking hate it:
the job itself, my boss, all of it. I could stay above the deep end if it was not for one thing.
My job robs me already of my dignity and time with family, but there is one thing I just can't take;
The taking of my dreams goddamnit! My dreamworld is so uninhibited. So much more opportunities
and possibilities there. Why can't I have that? Why can't they let us have our natural sleep?
It is about our dreams, they fucking know. It would be to our advantage to receive our full dream.
The job can get done at any time. Why not later? Mother fuck them. The dreamworld is a very important place.
I'm abolishing the clock. I don't need a buzzer.
-Just because it is, does not mean it is right. -Jonnie
Did you know there are actually only 10 years left of mass oil production? Some may say "Who cares?"
but it's a big deal. This means after the next decade is over oil prices will rise to astronomical prices.
But oil companies won't admit it. They say it's more like fifty years. The question is
"Why the fuck would they lie?" It's simple. Money! By inflating oil reserve estimates,
companies can often raise their stock prices. But there's an issue far more important than that.
Motivation for other types of alternative energy to be developed is hindered. That means solar, wind,
and hydroelectric won't be developed as soon. You can see how much we rely on oil.
What will we do when the prices rise drastically and there's not another major source of energy?
Also, what will other countries do to get ahold of this precious commodity? Most likely it will
involve the military. Countries will fight each other for it and the whole world will go into an
economic depression. With the US being the major oil consumer, it will have the most military
interest in the middle east. This might prove to our advantage with the US tied up.
It may just give us the opening we need.
No Sex, Just Death
"Please review the student handbook on what attire is deemed inappropriate." Summer is cumming.
The heat is increasing. It is that time of year where the authorities of school's send students
home for showing too much body. The human body is the most disgusting of creations, especially
the parts labeled private. The body should be covered.
Suppression of wet panties and hard cocks should be questioned. Are the authorities scared of their
won sexual arousal, or fear others? Most are well aware that sex creates life. You need bodies for sex.
IS it a religious agenda? God creates life, not vile animal trash. Arousal brings forth thought of creation and art.
Perhaps the school authorities feel this is not what students should be doing...
...but they seem to be okay with bloody death. Even though it is a natural phenomenon, we have been taught to
fear death since birth. Odd it is that (at Mansfield Senior) we can have posters of corpses chillin' at a morgue
hanging all over the fucking building, but the showing of body is strictly forbidden. Many Richland County
students got to witness mock death at the fairgrounds. This is okay. Watching the loss of life is okay.
Vaginas, dicks, breasts, legs, and thighs are bad. You are bad, evil! They fear our sexuality.
They let us watch a gory spectacle at the fairgrounds to "scare us" into not mistakingly drinking and driving and...
die. WE HAVE PICTURES OF CORPSES HANGING ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. No sexuality is no life.
WE HAVE PICTURES OF A CORPSE HANGING ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. Of course, we can't see the private parts, just death.
Life and death. Can't really have one without the other. Try to tell your principal that.
Just what the fuck are they afraid of?
Who Wants To Make Fun of a Millionaire?
I do! They have small dicks! Ump...nevermind.
Question 1: How many zeros does 1,000,000 have? a) 1 b) 10 c) 6 d) I can't count
The answer is "e"! Welp, I'd better lifeline to my dad to make sure. Hello, dad? Can you hear me?
No, I didn't fuck a chicken. Okay, the answer is "c" for chicken.
Ding, Ding, Ding! You got the right answer. But, ha ha, you were supposed to guess the wrong answer.
Johnny, bring the man out his prize. It's a hacksaw to cut off your right testicle.
Question 2: You are a fucking idiot! a) true b) true c) true d) true
Oh my god! I don't know the answer. I'm gong to have to use the 50/50. OK, now only a and c are left, Regis.
I'm going to have to go with b.
Is that your final answer? If it isn't we'll give you a million ways to be told the answer, you fucking idiot!
So much pressure, what should I do? I'm going to poll the audience. OK, the results were:
a) 5% b) 7% c) 3% d) 2% e) 85% says uhhhh!
Well, I guess I'm going to have to go with "e".
Wow, you really are a fucking idiot! But don't worry, you haven't even given us 5 mins airtime.
We are here to make people at home feel smart. Fuck Jeopardy, that shit is for smart people and they don't even
get that much money. We pay people more to be dumb. Ha!
Since you're so fucking stupid, we'll let you think while we go to our five minutes of capitalist money-making.
[During the break] Damn man, I'm glad you didn't know the answer. I can't believe that I, Regis Philbin,
don't know it either. But it's okay I'm a fucking idiot, I'm making my money.
Hey, you think you could give me Kathie Lee's #'s?
I have some illegal immigrants in my garage that could be of use to her.
Don't call her, that bitch can suck my dick!
Thanks for returning to our show. We have our fucking idiot, Bill Nitwit, on his second question.
Mr. Nitwit, please tell us what you do for a living.
Well, my job isn't anything too serious. I sit in a building all day with 99 other people.
All I have to say is "Aye" or "Nye" whenever they call my name. I've been doing it for so long,
I don't even have to think to do my job. It's kind of involuntary. Then, sometimes, when something goes wrong,
I tell everybody that nothing is wrong. It's an easy job.
So what exactly are you?
Oh, I'm a Senator.
Really, that's interesting. (Regis falls asleep)
Alright, I'm going to say my answer is c. That is my final answer.
Oh, I'm sorry you guessed correctly. Johnny, throw him in the lions den. Thanks for playing Mr. Secretary,
or whatever you are. I'd like to thank MR. Benjamin for inventing the $100 bill. Thanks everybody.
(The Curtains close and the audience is incinerated.)
- By Fellow Felon and Goliath
The 1st Lie of the Constitution
The first amendment is bullshit. It states that we have the freedom of speech, religion, press,
assembly, and petition. If that amendment was really in effect, it would be a free country.
You may practice what religion you want, but are looked down upon. That shouldn't be. If you think about it,
Christianity is forced upon us. There are always advertisements for Christian churches, but why not any other.
Maybe it's because the government doesn't want them to. By being a good Christian, it makes you obey the laws.
It's just a way of conforming to the will of others.
People cannot assemble peacefully without being fucked with by pigs. If it is against the interest of
the government, i.e. money or control, it is broken up. Most rallies don't become riots until cops get involved.
If reporters and journalists reported what's really going on in the news, things would be different.
Some stories are censored, which are usually about corporate and government flaws, while those about death aren't.
How can people blame fictitious games and movies on violence when the nightly news just as bad.
While school shootings have always gone on, it's only recently they've been given attention.
Most probably don't realize the crime rate has been down for years.
Yet the media makes it sound like it's been going up.
The freedom of speech is the most affected. It's hard to say anything without getting in trouble for it.
Take school for instance. Cuss words are restricted even though they're just words. Words can't affect your education.
"If you're saying something offensive, you have to be careful who you're around." Why?
Why should words bother anyone that much. I also don't understand why music is censored.
That you have a choice to listen to it or not. If the artist wanted it censored, they would have done it themselves.
One thing you should never be told to do is SHUTUP!
If someone tries to quiet you for voicing your opinion, speak louder.
Religion is such bullshit. When I think about the lives led by "devout" christians and elite members
of other religious groups, it makes me laugh. What the fuck? Next time I have enough free time
to contemplate my relationship with "God", I think I'll wack off instead. At least that's fun.
When I think back a few centuries, I can understand how people might have used Gods to explain
what to them was unexplainable. Things like natural disasters, the weather, the sun, the moon,
the meaning of human existence, and a million other things they couldn't explain. As much as we have
not grown as a society, at least our grasp of the physical world around us has improved.
We now know the Earth revolves around the sun, and the moon around the earth. Big fucking deal,
but it does show one thing. If all of our (and when I say our, I mean their ) former beliefs look stupid now,
imagine how dumb we will look to people a thousand years from now. They'll say things like,
"I can't believe they thought God made people out of sand and water!! How dumb!"
And then, a thousand years from their time, people (assuming the human race is still in existence)
will look back on their beliefs with the same stupid laugh. What we learn from this is simply
the backbone of a weak mind, someone who cannot think for themselves. Most intelligent people you will
find do not believe in God, or at least questioned his existence
(unlike those who blindly accept what they are told).
Although I am not a communist, I have to quote Karl Marx. He once said that religion is the opiate of the masses. This is entirely true. If you look at society today, everything encompasses religious beliefs,
and it keeps people sedated. God-fearing people refrain from committing crimes because they believe that
they are morally wrong, and that they will be punished in the afterlife for any mistakes they make in this world.
Our country's pledge of allegiance contains the words "Under God." Our legal system requires witnesses to swear
with their hand upon a Bible to tell the truth. This oath is a threatening hand that promises the fires of hell
to those who lie. As much as we criticize our puritan ancestors for their strict and outrageous beliefs,
those beliefs form the backbone of our government today.
What would happen if an Atheist or an Agnostic ran for president? He or she (if our country wasn't so sexist that
we would ever actually elect a woman as president) would certainly be defeated.
Part of this reason is the contempt most Christians hold for non-Christians. They believe we do not share the same
"morals" or "values" that they hold so fucking near and dear. This country would never elect someone
they thought didn't have strict moral beliefs and a strong Christian background. Look what Clinton did,
and he's a Christian. If Christians can do things that bad, what would non-Christians sink to in office.
At least, that's what they think.
When you think about it, Christians are behind the decline of society. Wars are fought because people
believe that they are "serving God" and their country. Europeans who destroyed the native Americans
during the colonization of the States believed that they had the God-given right to spread their
pathetic lives across the globe. It was German Christians that attempted to destroy the Jews in Nazi Germany.
Fascists in Italy were convinced that their violent actions were in service to God.
What all these people didn't think to do was to look around, and try to find their God. Do you see him,
cause I sure as fuck don't. People see the beautiful things in life as the product of God,
but the horrible things are the work of the devil. That's great.
Go ahead and believe it if it helps you sleep at night, or if you need a fucking scapegoat for your actions.
But as for me, I'll take responsibility for what I do, good or bad.
No God, no ruler, I control my own life, and no one else does unless they take it from me.
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